"Mmmboy, this is delicious!" Mark felt a little guilty eating his roommate's peanut butter and jelly sandwich (especially since his roommate, Bob, got quite upset when he did so in the past). He was always too scared to tell Bob, however, that he was the one that ate his sandwiches, because Bob had a nasty temper at times; plus, he practically took personal offense when anyone would try to mooch off his sandwiches, which contained his secret recipe of homemade peanut butter. Bob was unaware that Mark was the sandwich theif; all he knew was that periodically, the sandwich that he'd prepare for his lunch, the day before, would mysteriously disappear.

Mark could hear Bob walking up the stairs, coming home from work for his lunch break. He knew Bob would be more furious than ever, but after decades of this charade, he finally wanted to come clean to his buddy.

"Hi Bob!"

"Hey Mark. Move. Time for sandwich." Bob was a, 'portly fellow', you could say. He loved his food, and it showed. "HEYYYYYYYYY!! WHERE'S MY SANDWICH?!"

"Oh, um, uh... it's gone again eh?" Mark stammered.

"YES." Bob replied.

"Oh dear, how very peculiar! . . . Umm, oh! Here Bob! This letter came for you today! It looks really important; it's from the peanut butter factory you've been trying to submit your recipe to!" Mark said, trying to appease his scary, hungry friend.

"Ooh, gimme!" Bob opened the letter, eager to read what the company had to say. Despite his day already having a damper on it, he hoped that good news from Ace Peanut Butter, Ltd. might make it worthwhile after all.

"'Dear Mr. Fletcher,' blah blah blah" he read to himself, "We regret to inform you--sigh, oh great I guess they didn't like it after all--that although we found your recipe to be one of the most delicious in our history of submissions, we are unable to give it our "Ace Peanut Butter Seal of Approval" for the simple reason that our lab tests show that repeated consumption of your peanut butter causes the party who consumed the mass amounts, to, well, how can we put this? Become a peanut butter and jelly sandwich themselves. Do not ask how our labs figured out these astonishing results. We have powers, don't question them.

Sincerely,
A sandwich, oops, I mean Moritmer J. Fizzledink
Head of PB testing'"

"Oh crap... Only now do I regret asking that strange red suited man for help in order to create the world's most delicious peanut butter recipe. I suspected he was up to no good, especially with that fancy red suit and pitchfork... but ah, I figured he was a gay farmer or somethin'," Bob thought aloud. "Well, despite that bizarre and sad news: I'm still hungry."

"Hehe, oh, yes. . . yeah . . . so anyhow, I'm sorry about eating your sandwiches Bob. . . all of them. . . for the past--fiveyearspleasedon'thurtme!" Mark blurted out, in reply. Bob had an angry squint on his face; he was obviously angered by his roommate's recent confession. Mark feared the worst was inevitable (Bob went to prison a few years before they moved in together, who knows what he was capable of!) but as he cowered in fear, Bob's expression suddenly changed, he no longer had a look of rage, but one of surprise and interest.

"Oh, that's quite alright, buddy." Bob finally said in sly tone.

"Whew! I'm glad you aren't mad after all Bob! . . . Bob? . . . Bob?" Just then, Mark looked in the mirror and realized he was no longer a man, but a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A talking one. By this point Bob's hungry face was growing closer and closer to him. "HOW IRONIC!" Mark thought. As he was being gobbled up by his buddy, Mark continued to analyze the situation: "Gee, I guess this is like, pay back and all. . . but personally, I hope I give him indigestion."

Epilogue: He did. A few hours later, Bob turned into a sandwich himself. Since there was no one around to eat him, he spent the rest of his days living the normal life of a sandwich: watching tv, sleeping, and avoiding staleness. After awhile he started to feel sad that he ate his buddy that fateful day a few months ago, and decided to construct another sandwich in hopes that somehow Mark would come back and be his buddy again. You can imagine how hard it is for a sandwich to prepare another sandwich, but he did it, and guess what! It worked! Mark came back into the new sandwich, and they lived happily ever after! HOORAY! . . . However, every once in awhile, little nibbles will go missing from either Mark or Bob's body, luckily, being a human sandwich, you're able to grow back new bread and peanut butter. Jelly takes a little longer to produce, but it comes back eventually.

So let that be a lesson to all: Never eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, EVER. . . except this one here! C'mon! Eat it! I promise no sandwich-turning-into will occur! What? Oh, no, this isn't a bib, and this glass of milk is for my daily calcium intake, that's all. Yep. . .